Musings

Yesterday I contemplated the perfect life, what it would be like to live a dream that has been present since childhood. Watching people that have never really grown up, or to better define their personality – never had to change who they are, is both disheartening and refreshing. I find it disheartening because I desire to have that life. Maybe not the exact life they are living, after all that was their dream not mine, but to live out a daily passion. It is refreshing to see a person free from the mental walls that most of us build up to make ourselves fit into whatever mold was provided so that we could accomplish a productive, self-supporting lifestyle.

I reject these ideas while being wrapped up in them myself. I went to school, received a degree in something I could do in order to put food on the table and receive health care for myself and my child. That was my goal. Not a passion that I was strongly rooted in to grow and nurture but a means to an end. That was 15 years and 3 children ago.

Now that I have 4 children to nurture, I do not want this conformed life for them. I want them to pursue their passion. For each one that is something completely different. While this is terrifying as a mother, I have seen that it is possible. My oldest is creative in many directions, he desires to design houses and buildings. He wants to make permanent fixtures of his expressions that also provide shelter and comfort to others, he wants to share his idea of comfort with others. The next child is a tinker, she creates art, machines and clothing out of things she finds while she is playing outside. She is a constant surprise with a new creation. Then there is the son with autism who spews geography facts like we are talking about the weather. I want to show him all the amazing landmarks he obsesses over. And the baby, who ignites passion in everyone around her. She deserves to be on stage and share her contagious spirit with the world.

We are all a bit of a genius. Our genius is in our passion, our strongest desires that lie in our hearts create it. When setting out on a new project that started with a natural desire not a list of boxes to be ticked, the energy behind it is obvious. When we are children and told it is time to stop playing and grow up, we set aside some of those passions and they seldom return. I am not sure I know how to zip my mouth when one of the children say they want to ride horses, travel, skateboard or just hang out for a living. My first unnatural instinct wants to say, “What about law school, you don’t have to be a lawyer, it’s just a good education”. I must pause and remind myself that there are horse trainers and pilots, and professional skaters, and people that organize places for stressed out people to hang out.  I must remember to inspire their genius, so that they too will live out their childhood dream instead of growing up.

 

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Musings

  1. I loved that. I have never grown up really, but when I was little no one ever asked me what my dreams were, much less supported them. Rather the contrary.
    And I’ve only recently run across some people who think it’s a shortcoming that I’m not as “grown-up” as they are. So I’m really grateful to see that there are mothers like you. Thank you so much! 🙂 Your children are blessed to have you.

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